Diary #4: The Boundary

3 days had passed since I got confused about what or who am I to her. I had been trying to just get it off my mind, but it was difficult to do so. I tried to act normally whenever we talked with each other. But as the days go by, the feeling get stronger. The more I talk to her, the more I want to get closer to her. I want to know more about her... I want to be with her... I want her. But it was not the right time for her. She had other things she wanted to reach first. Then I will wait. I know it looked foolish, but I really will. I don't want anyone but her. But what am I to her exactly? That was when I thought of putting a stop to this feeling. I do not want to trouble her. If I let this go on, I cannot promise that I would be able to stop myself from falling for her. I am falling? It had been a while since I felt this way. For 3 years I only found admiration to a few girls, but with her, everything seemed different. It somehow felt light, yet frightening.

 23rd OF AUGUST. I tried to avoid her, but in a way that was unnoticeable. I was hoping that the feeling would eventually fade. It was also my way of knowing if she cared. If she noticed the change, then that means she cares. But if she does not, then I am just nothing to her. "I am nothing to her..." Just the thought itself pierced my chest. We talked as usual that day, then night came and it was still the usual. I was starting to lose hope until she spoke up. She said...

She noticed. It was like a thorn was removed from my throat. I felt relieved. I opened up to her about my feelings that and (I think) she got mad because I was jumping to conclusions about me troubling her. I looked so stupid that night, but even so, I felt relieved. Her words enlightened me once again. The future is something we look forward to, and the present is what we should cherish. What we have right now is what is important, and that is all that matters.